November Round-Up

It’s the end of the beginning for WalrusAttack. We (me and WalrusAttack) have been through some crazy ups and downs in our first month, from the time that Halldor accused me of making up the bus driver to Spöng (that was also the time that Mama offered to buy me Nanook of the North for Christmas, which was an almost giddy high), to the time when Google started re-directing people who searched for unicorns to this site, to the time when Johannes called me his Mitbewohner and WalrusAttack was the most famous, coolest thing that has ever happened in Austria since 1791.

In honor of all this, here is a round-up of some of my favorite posts from November, in chronological order:

Sod Houses
Just what it sounds like: a sod house. Not to be confused with caves, which is where Icelanders go to have their babies.

They Have Everything In Iceland
Arguably the post I am most famous for. Watch out, this one is not for the weak of heart–I tap into some of the dark untamed chambers of the human psyche. (I know the psyche doesn’t really have chambers. But I couldn’t say ‘heart’ again, I used that already in the sentence.)

Make-Believe Things that Depress Me
Another old classic. Who would believe that I wrote this post just to get Google to return my site when people searched for “make-believe + unicorns + secret military space shuttle.” This is a major source of traffic for me.

Real People I Love Who Don’t Know I Love Them
Look out your window. Somewhere beyond that darkened plug, I am watching you, your mirror self. Actually, I think this post is slightly less creepy than that. I’m saving up the good stuff for later.

More Pictures from Iceland
Looking for pictures of me sitting cross-legged in front of the president? Look no further!

More About Lava Bombs
This is one of my mother’s favorite posts. It always makes me a little sad, I don’t know why–reading it is sort of like seeing Atlantis only for a second, and then it’s gone again.

Rawlwrusses Are Not the Only Fruits
I think this post is unappreciated. Wrawlwruss. I’m sorry! That is just too good.

More Bands I’d Like to Start (Ways to Become Famous #183)
No one liked this post either, except for me. Seriously, you need to click on this link and watch the Youtube video of Slim Gaillard. He is the pootiest.

Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity and my eyes burned with anguish and anger.
I came of age one night last month. I came of age in a Taco Bell. Never has being a man tasted so delicious.

Nepotism is Now

Since this is the first time I have held a position of real power over other people’s lives, this is also the first time I have been able to practice nepotism. What a joy, then, to declare my sister Julia to be the winner of Contest #3. Let it be said that she seized her day of glory with both hands.

Real People I Love Who Don’t Know I Love Them

1. Guðrun. Dear, dear, Guðrun, you sweet dumpling of a woman–you with your tender soil samples and me with my tephrochronological longings.*

2. Orville. Orville, if you’re reading this, then I mean you. That thing you do, when you play with your hair–sheer dynamite.

3. Cannibals. There, I said it. I love cannibals. This ear is for you, dear ones.

4. Fanny Waters. Also Sharon Olds. Also Grace Paley (may she rest in peace). And, to a certain extent, that bum who looked so happy–simply ecstatic–in the wine shop today. He had this expression like he wasn’t lonely anymore. He smelled like burnt plastic.

5. I love the lady at the supermarket who gives out free samples. Each time I take one of the little cups with a little quarter of a waffle and syrup, she feels compelled to give me an explanation of the products involved. Even though I have already had two or three whole waffles. I just look into her eyes as she tells me about Eggos, and I imagine that the moon is out and she is telling me about her childhood and the ice-fishing trip she took with her father.

6. The bus-driver on the #6 line to Spong. I smile when I see him coming. Plus, I like his style. Stop sign? Where? And I’m pretty sure these buses were designed to drive over the curbs. Otherwise, it would be a problem when we did this. Or this.

7. Honorary people that I love: i) The town of Spong, which is actually just a Bonus supermarket and a gravel parking lot. ii) The word tuttugu, which means 20 in Icelandic and which tuttugus at my heartstrings. iii) The ATM, which dispenses money and love in equal measure.

I dedicate this post to the lady at the supermarket. That one day when she had burritos, that was special.

*I don’t actually like Guðrun. But Guðrun does love soil samples. And I might or might not have tephrochronological longings.**

**I do. I have tephrochronological longings,*** and I can’t make them stop. Who’s with me?

***For more about tephrochronological longings, see THIS WEBSITE.

More Pictures from Iceland

Clockwise from top left: (1) I found this amazing free carwash. Amazing. (2) With the President of Iceland at Bessastaðir. (3) On Halloween we stood on chairs by the main street and tried to get people to pay us money for mime performances. We earned 200 krona (3 dollars) plus several pieces of trash. (4) On one of the geology field trips. That’s me at the top left.