Winners

Contest Winner #1

David Clifford Archer

For those of you who might feel that it was mean of me to pick a photo where David looks so ridiculous (especially after he had won my contest), I have to point out that this is how David actually walks. Shhh–He is really a wooden child’s toy made by a lonely inventor named Gepetto.

Contest Winner #2

William Kanekoa Reppun
alias Slimy Black Toad Ninja Death

If you look closely in this photograph, you will see that rather than eating his sandwich, Will is yelling at it. He’s going to be a great dad–we’re all rooting for him. Keep up the good work, Slimy!

Contest Winner #3

Julia Ling

“I have always been fascinated with the occult arts. In order to be an elf you need to be exposed on a rock as a baby and hope the Fair Folk adopt you, and in order to be a vampire you need to find one of the Undead and make it attack you, but in order to be a witch all you have to do is paint your face red and boil human toes and put curses on people. It’s easy and it’s really fun.”

Contest Winner #4

Edgar Lawrence Doctorow

The Lewis and Loretta Glucksman Professor in American Letters and Professor of English at New York University, E.L. is redefining contemporary notions of Cool. Who’s da bomb? Who’s da bomb? E.L. da bomb.

Contest Winner #5

Johannes Spatzenegger

Sadly, Johannes has E. Bola. Well, I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Some people are wooden puppets, other people have E. Bola. You can’t let it get you down.

Contest Winner #6

Organelle

In order to completely understand this photograph, you need to know that there is cheese inside that golden box. Delicious, milky, creamy, slightly walnut-flavored cheese. Reach for your dreams, Organelle.

Contest Winner #7 (Winner of Contest #10)

DJ Mo’ Deadly

DJ Mo’ Deadly eats lizards for breakfast! DJ Mo’ Deadly will bite off your nose just for fun! DJ Mo’ Deadly makes Mike Tyson look like an animatronic teddy bear! DJ Mo’ Deadly is coming for you! DJ Mo’ Deadly is almost here! DJ Mo’ Deadly is right outside the door! What’s that sound, that sound like bones crunching, like 10 lions fighting 10 tigers, like an upside down elephant? DJ Mo’ Deadly! DJ Mo’ Deadly! DJ Mo’ Deadly! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa–IT’S DJ MO’ DEADLY!!!!!

Happy birthday, Audrey.