Contest Rules

 

The Rules:

1. Watch for the daily Contest posting to appear.

2. Each person’s time will come. Be prepared. Store water, duct tape, and non-perishable foodstuffs under your computer.

3. If your name appears (henceforth I will refer to this as receiving a “shout” “out”), act quickly.

4. Post a comment replying to the contest within 13 hours and 27 minutes, and give evidence that it is really you. For example, Halvor Knoph would admit that he likes rollerskating above all other things, including his self-respect.

Variants:

Knife Fight Variant:

1-3. Same as above. In addition, store a switchblade under your computer.

4. Cleanse yourself before battle.

5. Go outside with the food, water, duct tape, and switchblade. Stand near to the entrance of a convenience store. Wait for your enemy to appear.

Kim Jong Il variant:

1-3. Same as above. If no computers are available in North Korea, consult the I Ching.

4. Probably the I Ching says something like this:

		Six in the fourth place means:
          	Waiting in blood.
          	Get out of the pit.

This means that you should quickly get out of the pit.

5. Ask for more oil shipments.

Prises*:

You will receive either (1) a permanent place among the ranks of Contest Winners, or else (2) a dollar. It’s your choice.

One grand prize winner will also receive a whale.

Good luck, and godspeed!

–Prise Administration Authority

*Not the same as a prize, because I don’t actually have to give it to you. Except for the whale. The whale is yours for the taking.